PSYCHOSIS

I breath into a glass and slowly turn it in the light.
My breath settles on the surface and starts to moan.
With my finger, I write into it:
You are only real until you condense.

The glass sits on the table between us.
You sit across from me.
Or me.
It´s easy to lose track.

I pulled my ribs out of my soul like old nails from wood.
Now I hold them in my hand and tap them against your forehead.
Just hard enough to make a sound.

You claim I betrayed you.
In japanese.
I answer that I can barely understand you. Speak Esperanto if you want me to stay.

Between my heart and my head there used to be a cable.
I cut it cleanly with logic.
Since then it´s quieter up here.
Since then it´s louder down there.

You ask if I even want to leave this place.
I look around.
The walls breathe in rhythm with me.
The floor knows my name.

I am free where I am.
I am clean.
I am devout.
I am safe in this labyrinth.

Liar, you say.
Or me.

We stand next to each other and don´t look.
Are we lying when we hide what we think?
Or are we saving eachother that way?

You say I should sleep.
I say I just need to go up to the roof.

One step forward.
Flying is just a matter of decision.
Until you fall, you answer.

You wouldn´t let me fall.
Because you love me.

You say you don´t know me.
I laugh, and it sounds like glass cracking from the inside.

One day I understood that even the quietest murmur in a room carries your voice.
People speak, and I hear you.
Cars pass, and I hear you.
My own breath fogs the glass, and I hear you.

You want it that way.
Maybe.

Maybe I just want to know which one of us disappears first when the fog settles.

I take the glass in my hand.
The writing slowly dissolves.
My proof fades away.

You smile.
Or me.

I push myself off.
The wind takes the voice out of my mouth and the roof above me shrinks into a clean line.

You´re still standing there.
Completely still.

Only now I understand why you never jumped with me.

You can´t take a mirror into free fall.

It would have to be shattered first.

Or me.

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